Changes

Some of you might be wondering why I prefaced yesterday's post with the line that it wasn't about Derek. Some of you already know. I knew last fall that our marriage would never be the same when the ficus tree we purchased 17 years ago and had nurtured into a looming 7 foot tree died--left outside in the frost. Neglected. I took it as a sign. The fact is Derek and I are divorced. We signed the final divorce decree on Friday and it will be official November 16. After 17 years of togetherness, after 3 states, 2 homes, 1 dog, and 2 incredible kids, we changed in ways that I'll just say left us feeling amiss. I'm not going to go into who started what and why because it doesn't matter. We are where we are. And most importantly, some day our kids will be able to read. Here's what they need to know--they were born of love and that kind of love is never a regret. I am only thankful for those years. They are a part of me like the limbs on my body. I have no bitterness and no anger because I believe things happen for a reason and as you know, I always find and hold to the positive. It's made me stronger, made me awaken further, will only make me better. And who knows what kind of future it will make. I honestly look forward to that discovery. And when people ask me "are you alright" I say of course I am--I have no other choice. Everything will be fine because that's what our kids need and that's what they will get. Derek and I remain friends--we still have dinner together, still talk, still show respect. And you will never read ill words about him on here because for one, they aren't necessary, and most importantly, I would never diminish who he is in our kids' minds. He's a great person and has a lot to give to the world. The kids look up to him and rightly so. This is what I tell them all the time--you have two parents who love you and would do anything for you no matter where they live. And that is something that will never ever change.