Life Isn't Always Fair...

...we teach our kids this lesson but it can be a hard one to swallow as an adult when the issues are adult-sized. It's a lesson I've had to confront of late. It has been a rough few weeks here on this speck of the planet with loads of kid activities and running around and trying to find time for part time work and trying to stay on top of everything and trying to ease everyone's days. There have been days I didn't sit or have a decent meal and at the end of the night I hardly remembered having a real deep breath all day. No matter. I know how life ebbs and flows and I kept my head up and remained positive all the while hoping for a break. Could always be worse. And then someone unleashed their rage on me, the likes of which I have never seen, and screamed vile, hurtful words. This person is unhappy in their own life and turned on me--when all I have ever done is try to help--and it became clear they resented me for that. I remained calm during their rage and refused to return the drama and hurtful words. All I said was you can't take back your words when it became clear that reasoning wouldn't work. All I wanted to do was hug the anger out of them but in that moment I didn't feel physically safe. It was unreal. I was in shock. It was not fair! It was like being transported back to high school. Matt tried to remind me that I shouldn't let someone else's problems get the best of me, that I knew the truth, it was their jealousy talking, and they are the one who has to live with that anger. I knew he was right but still I couldn't stop thinking about it. And while those unfair thoughts swirled in my mind this week it seemed the whole world was cutting me down and not letting up...

Cars cut me off, work was difficult, things seemed to happen at the most inopportune times, the kids quarreled and complained. I was starting to feel like I could do nothing right and the world was incessantly working to cut me down. And then two things happened. 1. Fisher was throwing a fit about something he was constructing out of boxes--jabbing it with scissors and yelling defeated words. I asked him to take a break and told him how giving things space when you're frustrated can make it easier when you get back to it. He said it turned out better when he was mad at it (the kid is a perfectionist when it comes to his art). But then you're giving it negative energy I explained, and showed him this video that struck a chord with me years ago:

And 2, yesterday I made the kids a special lunch but was met with Fisher claiming he didn't like the bowl it was in and Phoenix downright refusing to eat. It was a small thing, but after my week of feeling like I could do nothing right and tired of others' drama unleashed on me, I had had enough. I questioned the point of always striving to be kind when it isn't even returned, I wondered why mean people unfairly got their way, and I sat on my steps and cried and pleaded for a break, for something good to come my way. In that moment the kids came and sat on either side and threw their arms around me and expressed their love. Just like that my plea was answered. I thanked them and explained that even parents can feel hurt and frustrated, that I'm always striving to be kind and good to everyone and was down that it didn't seem to be working. And then Fisher looked at me and said he loved everyone in the world except for bad guys and even the bad guys he loved a little bit (he measured out an inch with his fingers) because everyone deserves kindness. I taught him that. He listened. I was reminded how the world can not break you--only you can do that by having negative thoughts and forgetting that sometimes life isn't fair so suck it up and count your blessings. And that video became a vivid display of what I had done to myself lately--feeling defeated and wanting a break created a world that was defeating me. I was finally able to let go of my frustrations because they do not serve me well. But still, a little help here universe...please?! It's okay to ask for that too.