Everything Will Be

I love fall the most of all the seasons--the crisp, spice-like scent, the harvest, the evening light on a hillside, the cooler temps. It's in the air now. All summer I've been so caught up with moving and remodeling and a mountain of stress unlike any I've known that I did what is so easy to do--I lost myself. I became a shell and made no time to get back into being, to do the things and the thinking that give me a sense of purpose. I still feel like there's no time, and it amazes me how much busier my days are with Fisher in school full time--all the extra driving and errands. We're not on our own schedule anymore, we're caught in the shuffle. But this air has given me pause. Soon the leaves will turn and fall from their boughs, grounding the way I also need grounding. For me that means more walks, more woods, and simply more looking--the fuel for the thoughts that inspire my writing and make me feel connected. It means finding the balance in my days so that I don't solely exist as one who carts, cleans, cooks, and cares for kids. We are many things to different people, but sometimes we forget what we are to ourselves. And it's okay, as long as we recognize that disconnect and work to improve it. It can be as simple as making a little space each day to do something for yourself. I've been struck by this thought lately--you do yourself a disservice when you think you're supposed to be happy all the time. Life isn't always going to be great, and it's hardest when you think you're supposed to be happy and can't obtain it at every turn. I'm realizing it's better to strive to be comfortable with being, no matter the swirl of the seas we all face. Not complacent, but content in knowing that things will get better eventually. Everything will be alright.