2015 Holiday Letter

Fisher has his heart set on being Santa Claus when he grows up. I sometimes catch him sticking his head up the chimney to see how he's going to fit. 1st grade and he carries that magic. I tell him I believe he is already Santa, as he is giving and kind. He does well in school and his teachers love him. I sometimes worry that his tender heart will get tossed around by the rambunctious show-offs in his class and his kindness will get abused, but it helps that the girls all dote on him and that he has a good sense of humor. He loves to ride his bike and chop wood and build and treasure hunt. He is forever constructing and creating. The other day Phoenix came up to me and said Fisher told her he didn't care if he got any presents for Christmas, that he just wanted to be with his family and it made her eyes tear up. These kids are going to be fine.

When Phoenix isn't mimicking her big sister Ella's every move, she's singing, dancing, playing dolls, biking, making art, destroying the house, and making plans to take over the world. She has the kind of fire in her to do just that. Her teachers tell me she's the only preschooler in her class that understands sarcasm. She's tough. She's smart. She's watching your every move, which is appropriate as she wants to write stories when she grows up.

Ella has truly embraced her role as big sister after years of wanting a family to sit at the dinner table with, and to bond. For better or worse, she has it now! She too excels in school and has taken up speech and robotics this year. Most days she's traipsing about the woods with her headphones on singing at the sky. She still loves studying languages and I now know lots of random French, Swedish, and German words for various fruits. She went on a school trip to Europe this summer and now her heart is set on Ireland.

As for Matt and I, we are trying to pretend that planning a wedding is easy and hoping it'll all come together on its own as neither of us are good planners. It's set for July 16. I believe things are as easy or as complicated as you make them, so that's my plan--easy. Matt is still kicking it in sales for Learfguard and his hard work brought him the title of highest sales for the year again. When he isn't solving people's problems, he is on the riding lawn mower. Seriously, mowing until the sky spills its black ink. It's his new way of meditating. That and learning to play the banjo, or tinkering with the garden, or felling trees or creating a to-do list that'll take him years to accomplish. Big dreams to go with that big heart.

Me? Today I figured out how to use a ripsaw for the first time. Last week I sanded and stained all the interior doors. Before that I was probably painting or hauling or constructing something. I've discovered my own form of meditation. I started writing a children's book series, took on another scoring project for Pearson education, and was honored to be asked to help with editing and selecting works for my friend's new literary magazine, The Wax Paper, all the while running the household. I wouldn't trade it for anything. It is busy and hectic and messy (3 kids, 7 chickens and a dog will do that), but it is ours and we have each other--this family we have made. Our spirits are good.

My mother claimed recently how I have changed, how I seem more loving with her and my dad, not that I never showed love before. It's just different she says. I knew the answer to that straight off because I feel the change deep in my marrow--I have softened. This love that Matt and I share, these 3 intelligent and kind kids--it has given me a new measure for what my heart can do. It has redefined me. Frankly it has been at times a rocky year, but I have learned these things: your truth only matters to you and the people you hold dear. I learned how to forgive and let go. I've realized how lucky I am to have been raised by respectful and accepting parents. They have embraced Matt and Ella and our family wholeheartedly and continue to be a source of great support. I am lucky. And soft. And thankful. May all of you feel thankful and enjoy a peaceful holiday season. May you know your worth.