Let's Agree to Disagree

Matt and I went to Wooly's the night before Thanksgiving to see the Grateful Dead tribute band, the Schwag. Every time I have gone to see a concert there I am struck by the diverse age of the crowd. We span 5 decades, with hair styles that range from dread locks to slick backs to bald. Such different appearances, yet all of us gathered in the glow of stage lights and the guitar riffs of one of the most talented musicians I have seen. Up front and center on the floor was a group of super hippie hipsters in their 40's grooving and hollering "yeah, man" and trying to draw attention to themselves in a way to show how unique they were--not unlike goth kids who dress to be misunderstood so they can be treated with misunderstanding. Not unlike suburbanites and yuppies who accumulate lots of flash and think everyone wants what they have. Not unlike Republicans who think they know better, or Democrats who think their way is true. Not unlike religious extremists or gang members or PETA or the NRA. The list goes on, encompassing all sides.

Watching this group of aging hippies who never wanted to grow up I realized this--their energy was no different than the groups of people they would define as the enemies to their way of life. What all of these people (me and you included) have in common is the belief that they are right, and perhaps societies build these outward illusions that exclude others just to feed the idea that they are right. Matt used to have long hair and would be invited to attend shindigs by other people with long hair and dreads, The day he cut his hair they stopped calling. This exclusionary mentality only serves to feed the notion of us versus them, only serves to polarize humanity, thereby sabotaging their ability to ever truly connect and be understood.

And maybe we are all just a bunch of goth teenagers dressing in all back to fulfill the prophecy that we are misunderstood. Because it is easier to be a victim than to truly find solutions and compromise and let go of the ego so we can just get along. If you can't get beyond the notion that you are right and they are wrong than you will go nowhere. It only perpetuates the polarization and the outward display of this disconnect that sadly unfolds in headlines every day with mass shootings and terrorizing and debate. All at the expense of our HUMANITY. 

Someone reminded me this week of the phrase "agree to disagree." It stopped me in my tracks with its simplicity and timelessness. It made my heart feel unburdened, that I could finally move forward and not be stuck in a phase of trying to be right about something, which I have often been guilty of doing. We are all set in our ways--no one is immune. I realized I had been clutching to my ego and my sense of truth. But we all have a different sense of truth. If we don't surrender to that notion then we go nowhere. What matters more than being right is connecting. What matters most is peace. To say let's agree to disagree doesn't diminish your own truth, but it does get rid of the roadblock to real peace and understanding. Understanding that we are all a lot more similar than our words and ideologies suggest, which is at the core - human beings - all seeking a way, all searching for love and kinship. All of us seeking acceptance. Ghandi said "be the change you wish to see in the world" so maybe if we all love and accept ourselves the world will finally be a mirror for peace.