Let Me Clear The Air

You know what has been the most difficult part of mine and Derek's divorce? Other people. I wish I had use of some political diversion--a way to incite a new topic of conversation amongst those that know us. Sometimes I feel like our divorce has been harder on others, as they seek to place blame and in doing so create drama where there is none. I get that people want something solid, that some things are difficult to understand. But talking about it and contriving issues that aren't present only adds fire. I'm here to extinguish that. I don't feel cheated or abandoned or bitter. The fact is we changed in ways that left us feeling lacking and incompatible. We separated a year ago so the fact that we have both since met other people doesn't seem like a strange, taboo thing to me. I trust the path that I am on, I believe that this is where I am supposed to be. So last week when I mentioned that Derek was on vacation with his girlfriend it was only a statement of fact, not words of resentment intended to make a jab at him. And when I mention this fact whilst talking about being alone for days with the kids it's not because I think he's wrong in going on vacation (I hope to do the same this year), it's because he is a good father and his absence was felt. I still feel like Derek has my back. When my boyfriend was in the hospital, Derek offered to take time off work to watch the kids so that I could go to the hospital and be with Matt. So when I complain about caring for the kids solely for 12 days it's because their father is a big help, and because the weather left me feeling trapped, and Phoenix was sick, and Fisher was testing every limit as 5-year olds do, and because I am still getting used to taking care of a household on my own. People that work outside the home are allowed to have bad days at work, they're allowed to complain. I get the sense that people don't extend the same courtesy to stay-at-home moms. As if we should only ever feel grateful. But it is folly to claim that frustration isn't allowed to everyone. Sometimes complaining about an issue that nags you is healthy because it lets you air it out. And here we come again to the issue of others getting involved--if you were to read my comment that Derek was on vacation as anything but me stating a fact as was intended, then that is you projecting how you think I should or how you would react if you were in my shoes. It didn't come from me. So here lies the seed of the issue of "others". If the words don't come from me or Derek--the only two people rightfully involved in the matter--then be wary. Because others seek to blame, to fuel the fire, to project their own interpretations. I just want to say enough. Stop talking about it. We are fine. Our kids are healthy and adjusted and happy. And really, that's the only answer you need. That pretty much says it all.