Song of Myself

Lately I've been striving to capture and hold to the still point inside myself--to truly be comfortable alone anywhere, to carry that quiet light wherever I go. I go for walks alone, go out for dinner alone, go to movies and to see live music alone. I never feel ridiculous about it, though I'm sure it makes others wonder about me all alone in these coupled places. When you're alone and quiet the conversations of others are magnified; you hear how people seem to fill up the air with words and laughter as if to fill some void. And I can sense them watching me, no doubt thankful they aren't "lonely". I want to tell them I'm not sad, I'm just getting closer to myself. I read this line by Deepak Chopra recently so this is where my head is: "you are not in the world, the world is in you. Whatever you need to know about existence will arise nowhere outside yourself." So this is my aim--I'm trying to figure things out, to get closer to meaning. We can't do that if we don't take time to understand and enjoy ourselves. I think my quest for getting comfortable with now, with silence, with my own heart is rubbing off on my kids. The other day Fisher got a pillow and laid out on the porch staring lazily at the sky, saying he just wanted to enjoy the day. And Phoenix? She's never silent but she is comfortable with her wild streak--you can find her dancing anywhere, alone in her room or among a public of strangers. Just being herself.