On Distance

One of my best friends in the world lives in Madison. Jessica and I see each other about 6 times a year if we're lucky and every time we're together the world feels right. We are freakishly in sync with one another--always having the same thoughts, ideas about what we feel like doing, food cravings--you name it. We share weekends of laughter and dancing and talking and making sense of things and energizing one another. The last time we were in Chicago we sat for a time on a bench in utter silence. Is there any better quality in a friend than being able to share the quiet? When we part we always wish how we lived closer so we could see each other more often. But Jess once said that she wondered if our time would be as special if we did see each other more frequently. It made me recall a line from a poem titled "Vilnius" by Jane Hirshfield: "If you lived higher up on the mountain, you'd see more of everything else, but not the mountain."

So are the best things in life best experienced in small doses? It makes me think of all the times I've heard people say that tourists see more of the city in which they live because they never seem to get around to doing all the things they intend to do. Their city isn't going anywhere. Do we appreciate things more from afar? And why would that be? Yes, I know the idea that we take common things for granted, but I'm wondering how to get around that--how to avoid allowing our days to become mundane. Perhaps looking at everything as if it were a small dose is key. Each moment, here for now. Perhaps it is better to embrace uncertainty--to welcome it like the night welcomes the restless mind. If we stop struggling to fix the image of our future we just might surprise ourselves with what we see in front of us. It is true that absence can build in our hearts, but so can making up our minds to be fond of every breath in our lungs as if they were small doses that fill our hands with some great mystery. To be in awe of whatever is available for the simple fact that we can.

Jessica and I at the New Glarus brewery outside of Madison.