On Viewing

When I was little I used to stare out the window from the back seat of the car as my parents drove through the Iowa country side and I would imagine jumping the fence posts intended to keep the land in and then running across the fields to the highest point. Maybe I would keep on running. And I remember days when I would intentionally do things opposite--sleep with my head at the foot of the bed, sit at a different side of the table, sometimes even hang out in a corner of a room I had never spent time in--just to feel the difference, to experience a new angle. I like the surprise of seeing common things in a new light. I'm still the girl that does these things. The other day I realized I had never really looked out one of the windows in my house so I rested my forearms on the sill and took it in. The view wasn't great, overlooking trash cans, but it was new. I prefer back doors and alleyways, places that don't see many feet. I like walking in the street and having a closer view of the asphalt and cracks that go unnoticed from cars. I always wonder about all that space in those McMansions--all the places overlooked, never sat in or walked on. I only ever want to live somewhere that can be lived in.

So here's my to-do list for today:

I will appreciate someone who doesn't know I feel that way.

When I see someone I initially have an aversion to, I will think of 3 good qualities about them.

I will spend at least 30 minutes in a peaceful place doing nothing except feeling what it is like to exist.

I will gather blades of grass and let the wind take them and think about and feel what it means to let things go and run their course.

I will give my children undivided attention.

I will find a place in my home or in my yard where I have never stood, and I will stand there. I will breathe that air.